Thursday 29th December.  I wake to a text message from my sister.  ”Grandad passed away. =(“

I knew it was the middle of the night back in New Zealand when I read this, and we had to get up and ready to go to the mountains!  No time to really think about it.  I texted my brother downstairs, he said he’d received the same text from our sister, and then no more was mentioned.  I called Mum during the afternoon for a quick chat.  It was very matter of fact, and she said she didn’t have any information on funeral times or dates, but that I wasn’t expected to return home for the funeral next week.  Apparently Grandad wouldn’t have wanted that.  It’s only a few weeks until we’re back for a family holiday at the beach, so it’s then that everyone will be together.

Roll on today – Friday 30th.  I can’t stop thinking about him.  What he meant to me.  Memories.  How Gran must be doing.  Whether it really is the best thing to stay here a few more weeks.  I called Mum again to ask if there was some way we could be there – Skype, phone calls, filming the ceremony.

Flowers were sent to Gran, yet they seem so… pathetic.  Your best friend and husband of over 60 years is gone, and you get flowers?  Yet, somehow it seems like the right thing to do.

This is the first time someone this close to me has passed away.  To be honest, I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet.  It may not, until I go to their house and it’s just Gran there.  The smell of Pinetarsol isn’t in the bathroom.  The little shaving brush isn’t on the sink where it always is.

I know we’ll get through this.  He was old, and his body just shut down.  We had many many many great years with him, and were lucky to have had him as long as we did.  If anything good has come out of this, it’s that we know our family network is solid.  We have family support that many other people wish they had.

So long, Grandad.  I will think of you fondly and often.

I just spoke to Mum on the phone.  Grandad has been in and out of hospital for weeks.  In for a few weeks, home for a few days until he collapses, in for a few more weeks…

Yesterday he got up, had a shower with a caregiver who comes and helps him, had a shave, brushed his teeth, and died.

The ambulance came.  Gran was distraught.  He then coughed, and took a deep breath.  He opened his eyes, and said “oh God.  I wanted to be in the morgue.”

That comment, from someone who is always so full of life, optimistic and positive, breaks my heart.

He’s back in hospital.  Where they’re monitoring his fluid levels and his kidney function and his muscle spasms in his legs and his lungs.

Mum is looking into rest homes for him, should he be released from hospital again.

I pray that he struggles until January 15th, for purely selfish reasons.  I’ll be home then, and with my family.  I don’t know how things will be if I’m over here, and they’re all there when it happens.

For him, though, I hope it happens soon.  Almost 88 years old.  I’ve learned a lot about his life over these last few months.  And for that, I’m grateful.  If I can live a life as full and exciting and rich and love-filled, I’ll be ready to go at 88 as well.

A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.  - Stewart Alsop.

A few weeks back we decided that it wasn’t worth the money to spend $150 on a Christmas Tree.  Instead, we bought candles that smelled like cloves and nutmeg for $1.50 as a substitute.

Each night I thought about this decision as I looked at the presents in the living room surrounding the old 30cm tall fake tree.

We lay in bed this morning planning our Sunday.  We’d go to the grocery store and cook a roast, do a few chores, and then decide how we’d spend our afternoon.

At some point during these activities, we decided that a real tree with lights and decorations was necessary after all.  Everything was on sale because we’d left it later than most people, which was a sign.

An eggnog latte, The Family Stone and a few hours later, our First Christmas Tree was beautiful – complete with presents underneath.

The house smells so festive.  For me, it really isn’t Christmas without that smell greeting you when you come in the door.

Money well spent.

Here we are. After almost 24 hours in transit, we made it. Meeting the parents was flawless. We had a wee nap, and went to visit Gran and Grandad. Grandad is NOT well. Really not well. It was heartbreaking seeing a man I’ve admired and cherished my entire life stand there. Skeleton-like. His eyes sparkled when we asked questions about the war and his past adventures.

Dinner with the rest of the extended family was a whole different pace. Laughing and lots of conversations and drinking and loudness. Everything that I love and had missed.

This trip has reiterated something. While most of my best friends are now over in Calgary, my family are still here. Families don’t change. There aren’t many secrets, we have known each other forever, and it’s just… real.

I am loving showing off someone I love to others I love. It’s really the joining of both my worlds. And right now, it feels amazing.

“When a decision has to be made, make it. There is no totally right time for anything.”
- General George Patton

It wasn’t an easy decision.  At all.  But today, I did it.  It was time.  Time for me to take control back and stop relying on other people.

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.  How do I leave people that have been such a big part of my life for over 2 years?  How do I leave a place that’s responsible for keeping me in Canada, and subsequently meeting The One?

But, it had to be done.  So, here we are.  As of November 8th, I’m unemployed.  This next year will be one of adventure and learning.  I need to stop standing still, and start being ME again.

*happy dance*

It’s been one heck of a summer.

Most weekends have been spent out of town, enjoying the sunshine and the company of my wonderful friend circle.

I’ve also moved.  Moved IN, in fact.  What seemed like such a huge step prior to 2011 just felt right.

I now drive.  Albeit not my OWN mobile, but a shared one out here in the suburbs.

It’s been a summer of eye blisters and sinus infections, tears and laughter.  I didn’t blog every day, nor did I even update my Facebook status very often.  There are pictures from our time in Toronto and our various weekend adventures.

Here’s to Fall.  More trips to plan.  More people to meet.  More adventures to be had.

I am NOT a camper.  In fact, I think I’m the furtherest from a camper you could imagine.

I shower at least twice a day.  I hate going a day without shaving my legs.  I like my comfy warm bed and my constant accessibility to Facebook.

On Friday after work, I was picked up and driven out to Kananaskis to spend some time with my new family.  We sat around the campfire drinking and toasting marshmellows.  Stories were exchanged, excessive laughter was shared, and shots of Baileys in marshmellow skins were consumed.

We went to bed all rugged up to battle the cold.  After sleeping in the next morning we all cooked breakfast, and just sat in the sunshine enjoying each others company.  The three boys rode their bikes around the campsite.  All 9 of us went for a hike, and then packed up the car and headed back to Calgary.

I loved spending time with his three nephews.  I loved watching him interact with his family and the way his Mom dotes over him.  I loved how everything was so comfortable and relaxed and … fun.

This little blog has been neglected lately.  I didn’t quite make the 365 posts in 365 days.  But… life happened.  I barely have time to do my laundry anymore, let alone sit down and post photos and write about what’s going on.

This past weekend (Canada Day), we made an impromptu trip out to Sicamous to stay at a cabin on the lake.  The other couple we met there were so lovely; friendly, welcoming, and OVERLY hospitable.

The days were spent lazing on the deck, swinging our legs in the lake off the dock, eating ice cream, and just having a great time laughing and telling stories.

I really am thankful I’ve found someone who enjoys DOING things.  Someone who is fun and caring and supportive and makes me laugh.

Thank you, Universe.  While you continue to challenge me in other ways, you’ve made my personal life the most amazing it has ever been.

Cooler filled with apples, bananas, grapes, nuts, granola bars and bottles of water… check.

Clean car filled with gas… check.

Charged iPod and new radio connector… check.

We spent the weekend driving the 8 hours to Kelowna, stopping the first night in Golden to stay in a seedy little motel.  We took our time; stopping off at little points of interest to take photos and stretch our legs.  The sunroof was open, the sun was beaming, the windows were open and the music was blaring.

We hung out on the beach and played in the sand.  We walked hand in hand along the river.  We checked into our fancy hotel – in the tower no less – and sprawled out on the king sized bed.  We went out for dinner, then spent the evening strolling through the park watching people with wedgies play on Segways.

Best bit: lying on the grass people watching for hours in the sunshine, and telling travel stories.  It brought us closer together, and the more I find out about this guy the more I like him.

The whole weekend was just incredible.  The weather was awesome, the hikes were amazing, the wine was tasty and the company was perfect.  I laughed a lot, and felt… connected.

I was up at the crack of dawn today to run my first ever race.  5km.  We’ve been running once a week for the past 12 weeks to train for the race.  It’s amazing how fast you improve!  I remember the first day – 1 minute running, 1 minute walking.  Today we stopped only three times during the race for 1 minute intervals.  The energy of the crowd was electric.  The 126 people in their bright yellow t-shirts stood out like crazy. 

I had an absolute blast.  The weather was cold and wet, but that didn’t dampen the spirit of the runners.  I never thought I’d enjoy running.  And to be honest, I didn’t really enjoy the RUNNING aspect.  What I did enjoy was the feeling of crossing the finish line, knowing that I’d beat my 40 minute target and was still standing.  I loved the entertainment along the way and the spectators from their yards cheering us on.

The next first was Meeting the Family.  He had arranged for us to drive up to Red Deer and have dinner with his sister, her husband and two children.  Word got out, and his OTHER sister and her family, as well as his parents, were also there.  Talk about nerve wracking!  I was pretty quiet on the drive up north.  Luckily, it all went without a hitch.  I didn’t spill anything down my front.  I didn’t say anything stupid.  I didn’t sit silently.  I just… fit in.  I think perhaps that was my biggest fear: that I wouldn’t fit in.  That I’d leave there thinking “OMG they are SO not my type of people.”

But, they were loud.  They mocked each other.  They told stories.  They laughed ALL the time. 

Now I feel even closer to him.  I feel like I know more about him: where he’s from, the people he knows best.  I didn’t even think it was possible, but I like him even more than before.

What a day.  And it couldn’t have been more perfect.